the child i am born being

“The child you are born being” is a concept I deliberately took from one of my Masters, the acting coach John Strasberg.

He gave our true self the permission to react to things that were happening on stage, as if they were actually happening in real life. Did we have the freedom to fully express how we were feeling, in real life?

I think not.

During my acting career and studies, I saw many actors coming across this choice of allowance. Those who had had welcoming and loving parents and families during their primary growth were less fearful of “coming out” on stage - let’s face it: it is humiliating failing in front of a crowd watching you, expecting good times. As if, deep inside, they knew at least somewhere they belonged.

For the rest of us, mostly discredited since the earliest of ages for showing who we really were, showing the inner child was something we had to force out of ourselves. A double violation when, shaky and shy, this self was disappointing the Masters, and also, yes, get insulted.

I was then very grateful, even when in sorrow, because I knew I was likely to learn life lessons through these harsh methods - if not an art.

In 2019 - as for many, my life changed, and the rushing towards a role in a play was converted into staying, and seeing what would happen.

What happened was the whole inner world.

I will speak more about sunny and moony side of the self, but let’s just say that up to then, I had lived 28 years of my life for the performance of living (Sun without roots).

It took 3 years of hard work, a pregnancy and a sweet short period of depression, to let the full and new moon in and to look at what it is that I actually am to work with. To say: myself.

There! There it was: the child I was born being!

Not ready to come out yet - in need of self esteem which funded itself on listening, self forgiveness, self love talk, self allowance to be.

And that’s why I know I can now be it also on the outside: knowing that I don’t have to hide or run away from what I claim I am - now that I do know myself.